Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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