My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do vagina's smell?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
