He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
