And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
