You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Randomize
