She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
