worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
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Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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