The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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