Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
