ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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