So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
