Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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