I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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