Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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