3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
