How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
