i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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