I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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