Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
