How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
