I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
