I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
