but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
