And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
