dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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