YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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