You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
