I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
