In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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