just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
