If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
