Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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