Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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