im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
