On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
