I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
