Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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