You can't call dibs 8 years later.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
