i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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