If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
