I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
