toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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