how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
