yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Randomize