Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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