sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
