Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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