you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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