On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
