Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
