I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize