i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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