Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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