So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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