quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
