I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
