please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
