I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
