Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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