I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
