i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
