Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
