thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
