You smell like stripper and shame
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
