I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ass is underappreciated
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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