he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
