I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
