Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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