yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
