How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
