What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
