I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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