Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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