He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
