don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize