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you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
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He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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