She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
