she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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