I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
