New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm like, not good at living.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
