Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
