Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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