i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
